


carry on as if nothing ever happened

by crickes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Rewrite, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, F/M, dean and cas are actually in love, we're just gonna pretend 15x20 is fake right?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-06
Updated: 2020-12-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:55:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27914878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crickes/pseuds/crickes
Summary: Castiel is dead. Dean knows this. He feels the loss like an ache in his soul, like someone ripped the very fabric of his being apart.Yeah, he knows Cas is dead.It doesn't mean he has to stay dead, right? After all, nothing ever stays dead when the Winchesters are around.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Kudos: 2





	carry on as if nothing ever happened

**Author's Note:**

> Please see the end of the chapter for my personal opinions regarding the controversy surrounding 15x20. I had a lot to say.  
> This fic is just a standard 15x20 rewrite. It will be paced pretty similarly to an actual episode, and will feel a lot shorter than your traditional fic as a result. I played around with the idea of writing this as an actual script, but decided against it after a few days because I really don't want to use AO3 to format a traditional screenplay. Not fun. Still, I thought it would be fun to label the chapters according to what act they'd fall under.  
> I hope y'all enjoy!

_Cas was just… standing there. That stupid, heartbroken smile on his face. Tears streaming from his eyes. Dean could feel his own heart tearing in half at the sight, caught between the expectations of others and his own deepest desires. He wanted to reach out to Cas, cradle his face in his hands, hold him tight and never let him go. He tried. His arms wouldn’t move. His feet were glued to the floor._

_Unbidden, his mouth opened, spewing words he couldn’t control._

_“God, Cas, that’s disgusting,”_

_He wanted to scream. That’s not what happened. That’s not what he wanted to say._

_Cas’ face twisted, his smile fading into a pained grimace._

_Dean’s voice screamed in his head. No. This isn’t what happened. The Empty swallowed Cas._

_The room shifted. They were outdoors now. Purgatory. The howls of monsters long-dead filled the air. Dean could feel wind whipping at his back._

_“Dean!” Cas’ voice was scratchy and dry, like he hadn’t taken a drink of water in decades. Dean took notice of Cas’ dirty scrubs, tattered and torn underneath his trench coat._

_The roaring of the portal behind him almost drowned out Cas’ begging._

_Dean wanted to reach for Cas’ hand, pull him close and safely take him back home. He tried. His arms wouldn’t move._

_“I think,” Dean’s voice didn’t sound like his own, “I think it’s best if you just stay here, buddy,”_

_Cas’ eyes fractured as Dean took a step back into the portal. As the edges closed around him, he watched Cas begin to cry._

_The world shifted again. The Bunker. They were standing in the main room of the bunker. Well, not exactly standing. They were fighting. Dean was winning. He was beating Cas. He could feel the anger pulsing through his body, the burn of the Mark on his forearm._

_Cas was on his knees in front of Dean. Dean hit him across the nose._

_“Dean,” Cas’ voice was wrecked, sorrow lacing through his every breath._

_From his nose, block goo trailed down his mouth._

_Dean paused, internally. What was going on? That wasn’t right. He should be bloody._

_Dean couldn’t stop himself. He was hitting Cas over and over, beating him senseless._

_Through the black goo in his mouth, Cas spoke, gritting out the words in between Dean’s blows._

_“Dean, I,” He grunted as another one of Dean’s punches hit it’s mark, “Dean, I love you,”_

_Dean swung again._

_“Please stop it,” He coughed when Dean landed a punch to his gut._

_“Please,”_

_Dean’s heart broke at the sound of Cas’ desperate pleas. He couldn’t stop, though. He had no control._

_His brain was screaming at him._

_Why are you doing this to him? He’s your best friend. Stop it. What’s wrong with you?_

_The room shifted again. He wasn’t sure where he was this time. Somewhere in a forest? Trees surrounded him, taller than he thought possible. Cas was standing in front of him, angel blade in hand._

_He spoke without meaning to again._

_“Not you again,”_

_He swung. This time, it wasn’t his hand that attacked. It was smaller, delicate and feminine. He wasn’t in his own body. He could feel something dripping down his face. It landed on his shirt._

_Black goo._

_The goo filled his mouth, choking his airways._

_Cas stared at him, eyes full of hate._

_Dean couldn’t breathe._

_He tried to call out for Cas, beg for help, but the goo was everywhere. It pushed his tongue down, drained into his throat._

_He was going to die. Goo was going to choke him. Cas wasn’t going to help._

_He clutched at his throat, stumbling back. He tripped, landed on his ass. He didn’t care. A few more seconds of choking and he’d be dead. No point in caring about how graceful you are when Death is knocking on your front door._

He tried to reach for Cas, but the angel just stepped forward and buried his blade in Dean’s chest that didn’t really belong to him.

_Dean sputtered, coughing._

_Blue eyes locked on his, full of icy hate._

* * *

Dean shot up in bed, choking and clawing at his throat.

Fuck.

What the fuck.

**Author's Note:**

> First and foremost, I think it's important that I point out where I stand in relation to the debacle we've seen online over this past week. Queer media deserves to be presented in a fair and uncensored manner. Regardless of whether or not Supernatural was censored, my belief in queer representation remains the same. Queer representation should not be relegated to fanfiction, queerbaiting, or marketing ploys.  
> Secondly, what was officially released as Supernatural canon was bad queer rep. Regardless of whether or not the show originally intended to fully canonize the relationship, the end result was bad. It fell short of fully validating the queerness of Cas, and even leaned into the bury your gays trope. While I personally respect Misha's belief that it does not fall under this trope, I have to disagree with him. It was an egregious display of a homophobic storyline that has been used over and over to display to audiences that queer characters are less valuable than non-queer characters. The implications of that idea in reality are self-explanatory.  
> Thirdly, I do not believe the actors are fully speaking their actual opinions on the situation. Regardless of whether or not they supported the queer representation... it doesn't really matter. They can't speak on their opinions because they are more than likely bound by iron-clad NDAs and incredibly restrictive contracts regulating what they are allowed to say. It's likely that everything they post regarding this issue is going through several PR hell layers. I would not personally put it past Misha to try and sneak whatever he could past PR (rancid nuts and what not), but his most recent Twitter thread definitely had the traditional Public Relations Professional stink all over it. It would make sense, regardless of whether a cover-up occurred, given the sheer size of a reaction the show has garnered.  
> Lastly, I don't think the actors deserve hate. I don't think the writers deserve hate. I do think Dabb deserves to be yelled at for like... half an hour over the baboon insinuation, but no more than that.  
> Those are my thoughts. You are free to disagree with me, but my opinions stand as of publishing my first scene. I hope that works for y'all.  
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
